Stay With Me
by B-D Banzai
Summary: A HarryRuth story that has a little different writing style to it. Based on a song called Stay With Me by Shakespeare Sister
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Spooks or MI:5 _depending on the country you live in, belongs to Kudos Film and Television and not the tasty chocolate covered granola bar of the same name.

_Author's Note:_ This is the first time I've tried a story like this. It isn't quite as straight forward as most stories. I based it ever so slightly on a song that I've loved since 1992 called Stay with Me by Shakespeare Sister. A somewhat obscure song, but the video can be found on YouTube. This is a Harry/Ruth story. I have one little tip of my hat to the university I'm currently attending. The official name of the university is California State University at Fullerton.

_**Stay with Me**_

_**By B-D Banzai**_

Harry looked at his watch and sighed to himself. Could it really be 23.15? He rubbed his hand wearily across his face and looked out at the desks on the Grid. Last to leave again, he thought. His eyes automatically flicked to the desk in the corner, its light turned off and computer silent. "I should just have the whole thing removed," he thought to himself. The work station seemed cursed. Nothing good ever happened to anyone who was assigned the desk. The latest occupant to have the desk was dead; just another closed file stashed away in filing cabinet in the basement. Looking out to the desk from his office was a habit he couldn't break and each night he was reminded that a part of his heart was as dark and empty as the workstation. He shook himself mentally while pulling on his overcoat, and left Thames House heading out into a cold, London winter night.

_"Did you see the car?"_

_"Watch his arm!"_

_"Call for an ambulance!"_

_"Hey Mister…can you hear me?!"_

Harry walked along the river deciding to walk home from Thames House despite the lateness of the hour. He knew his route would take him past her flat, but he felt a deep melancholy he couldn't shake. Why was she in the forefront of his mind this evening? It wasn't as if there was anything special about the day or night. It wasn't an anniversary or a birthday. The day wasn't exactly filled with dire consequences or life and death decisions. It was an ordinary Thursday. So why did he find himself standing outside a "dead" woman's flat on an ordinary Thursday at half past midnight, pondering why there was a light on in the kitchen?

_"What is his condition?"_

_"Critical. Closed head trauma causing intracranial pressure. We may need to do surgery if the pressure doesn't decrease. The fracture of the radius on his right arm is the least of his problems right now. He's very sick. Are you sure there isn't any one we should call?"_

_"I'm sure."_

Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring of keys. He fumbled them and then dropped them on the sidewalk. He reached for the keys, wincing in pain as a sharp twinge ran up his right arm. Slowly he slipped the key into the lock, turning it as quietly as possible. He wasn't armed. He didn't have so much as a can of mace. It was probably squatters taking advantage of the empty home, Harry thought, but he didn't think there was anything left to steal in the flat. It had been cleaned out and her things had been put into storage long ago. Suddenly his life seemed inconsequential when it came to protecting his memory of _Ruth_. Nudging the door open, he peered inside just enough to see into the hall. A cat dashed by Harry's feet and out the open door. "Shit," he whispered to himself, trying to steady his nerves while watching the cat dash down the street. When he looked up again, Ruth was standing in the doorway.

_"Find her."_

_"I'll try."_

_"No. You will find her."_

"What are you doing here at half past midnight, Harry?" Ruth stuck her head out the door just enough to call for her cat who came dashing back to the flat. Apparently she didn't want to be out in the cold after her race for freedom. Harry on the other hand remained rooted to the spot half inside the door way and half outside on the steps. Ruth took him by the hand and pulled him inside so she could shut the door.

_"Cal State Fullerton, Department of Psychology, how can I help you?"_

_"I need to speak with Professor Rachel Jones. It's urgent."_

_"One moment." A short pause._

_"Dr. Rachel Jones speaking."_

_"Ruth…"_

Harry could feel his whole body shaking as he tried to process the things that were going on around him. He knew Ruth shouldn't be here; couldn't be here. She was gone and had been gone for some time. Yet here she was, in her house as if nothing had happened.

"Harry, I'm begging you…please sit down before you fall down. You look terrible," Ruth said as she took him by the elbow to the sofa and helped him sit down. He wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers. His throat was dry and he didn't trust himself to speak. He just kept staring at Ruth as if she was a ghost that would vanish before his eyes. He rubbed at his right arm as it throbbed deeply along with the accompanying pain in his head. His head jerked up when a tall, dark hair man made his way down the stairs carrying a baby in his arms. Ruth took the baby and cooed at him. "Look James…Uncle Harry is here." Harry gulped audibly.

_"How long has he been like this?"_

_"Forty-Eight hours, give or take a few hours. You made remarkable time."_

_"And his prognosis?" _

_"The longer he's out…the odds of a full recovery drop."_

_"I'll stay with him.'_

_"I'm glad you came. You will make the difference."_

"James?" Harry looked intently at Ruth and the strange man who was gently holding Ruth around the waist. She reached over and placed the back of her hand on Harry's forehead.

"You must be ill. This is the only explanation I can come up with as to why you are here in the middle of night, looking at us as if you have never seen James or Daniel." Daniel gave a small wave to Harry as if to acknowledge that he was there.

"Hello Harry," Daniel said, taking the baby back from Ruth. "Are you sure I can't get you a drink? Anything?"

"No…thank you. I seem to be having some sort of delusion," Harry said, standing up suddenly. Ruth reached for Harry's hand and pulled him back down on the sofa. Daniel took the baby back upstairs, leaving Harry and Ruth alone. "This is going to sound strange, I know, but bear with me. How long have you and Daniel been married?"

"You were there. Two years ago in May. You don't remember any of this? You are James' godfather, Harry. Something has happened to you." Ruth could see beads of cold, clammy sweat starting to bead on Harry's forehead. "I'm going to call an ambulance. We have to get this sorted."

"No…wait, please. Something is wrong. You don't live here anymore. You haven't been here for over six months." Harry clutched his head in pain. Ruth tried to pry his hands away from his head so she could take a closer look to see if she could figure out what was wrong with him. He didn't look injured, but why was he acting so strangely. "We faked your death, Ruth," Harry continued, ignoring Ruth's attempts to placate him. Ruth gasped in shock. "I identified a body as yours and for all intents and purposes, you are dead."

_She held his hand, stroked his hair, and spoke softly in his ear. She reflected on what the doctors had been telling her as she kept her bedside vigil. The longer the coma lasted, the less likely for a full recovery. She was exhausted from the flight, having caught the last plane leaving for Heathrow out of Los Angeles and yet she couldn't leave his bedside. She willed him to wake up._

Ruth looked at Harry as if he had gone completely crazy. "I'm taking you to hospital, Harry, right now. Daniel can watch James. It is obvious you aren't well and you aren't making any sense. I'm right here, Harry. I've been in this house the whole time, with my husband and my baby." Harry looked at her sadly.

"What happened to us?"

"Us? You mean after the first and only date? There was no us, Harry. There was one dinner and then you never asked me out again. A few months later, Daniel started at GCHQ, asked me out, and one thing obviously led to another. I left MI:5 before James was born. You should know this." Ruth looked like she was about to cry and Harry was already heading to the door.

"I'm so sorry. I've always known you would be happy. I shouldn't have come," Harry said, painfully reaching for the door knob. He was in tears as he let himself out. Ruth rushed out the door, chasing after him, not caring that she was in her robe and slippers.

"I can't let you back out on the streets in this condition! Please, come back. What if you get hit by a car?"

"I will always love you, Ruth."

_"Stay with me."_

**Some of this story was based on a song called "Stay with Me" by Shakespeare Sister.**

**The lyrics go like this:**

If this world is wearing thin

And you're thinking of escape

I'll go anywhere with you

Just wrap me up in chains

But if you try to go out alone

Don't think I'll understand

Stay with me

Stay with me

In the silence of your room

In the darkness of your dreams

You must only think of me

There can be no in between

When your pride is on the floor

I'll make you beg for more

Stay with me

Stay with me

You'd better hope and pray

That you make it safe

Back to your own world

You better hope and pray

That you'll wake one day

In your own world

Coz when you sleep at night

They don't hear your cries

In your own world

Only time will tell

If you can break the spell

Back in your own room

Stay with me

Stay with me


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer:_ Spooks or MI:5 depending on the country you live in, belongs to Kudos Film and Television and not the tasty chocolate covered granola bar of the same name.

_Author's Note:_ This is part two to "Stay with Me". Thank you to all who inspired me to write a second part with your kind reviews.

_**Stay with Me**_

_**Part II**_

_**By B-D Banzai**_

Part II

Ruth had managed to "convince" Harry to return to her flat by grabbing his coat and practically pushing him back into the living room by brute strength alone. He was shaking and crying. Ruth, with as much force as she could muster, sat him back down on the couch. She had never seen the man in such a state and it scared her more than anything she had dealt with when she was at MI:5. "Just stay put. I'll be right back." Ruth left Harry sitting on the couch, while she did what every one in England seemed to do in a crisis; make tea. "Tea cures everything," she mused to herself while she busied herself with the mundane task of tea making. In the living room, Harry tried to get a grip on his emotions. The pounding headache had not abated and it seemed as if the edges of his vision were starting to blur. He tried to concentrate on the photos on the coffee table, each in a simple silver matching frame. "Organized,' Harry thought to himself, "So very unlike Ruth." He picked up the first one; a picture of baby James taken on what Harry assumed was his first day in the world. He was swaddled in a blue receiving blanket with a matching blue hat. The same picture adorned countless homes through out the world. Placing that picture down, he picked up a picture of Ruth and Daniel. It was a picture taken on their wedding day, the happy couple, both smiling at the camera showing off their rings in a cheeky gesture. The final picture in a place of honor on the coffee table, where they would be viewed every day by anyone who sat on the couch, was a picture from what Harry assumed was Ruth's last day on the Grid. Everyone had assembled for a group shot near Ruth's desk. He found himself in the photo. His photographic self was not looking into the camera like the rest of the group. He alone was looking at Ruth with a deep sadness in his eyes that Harry recognized in himself straight away. He saw the same look every day when he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. Ruth returned with the cup of tea and Harry hastily put the picture back down. He took the offered cup of tea and sipped. "Chamomile tea," he thought to himself. "She thinks I'm psychotic." She left him momentarily and returned with a blanket.

"Stay here tonight," Ruth said, handing him the blanket. Harry stared at her as if she was speaking Japanese. "Please," she pleaded. It's just the couch, but I need to know you are safe tonight." She could here Daniel pacing up above and she thought James might not have been so easily put back to bed. She took another look at Harry who looked as though he might be asleep with his eyes open. "The tea will help." She reached over and lightly touched him on the face. "Try to sleep. We will figure out what is going on in your head. I promise." Harry rested his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes.

_"Is he registered with the organ donor register?"_

_"What did you say?"_

_"Have you considered organ donation?"_

_"Please…I just need more time with him." Tears were threatening to fall. _

_"There has been no change in his condition. I just want you to consider…"A comforting hand on her arm._

_"Just a little more time."_

Ruth had gone back upstairs to find her husband Daniel pacing the floor but without James in his arms as she had anticipated. She could tell he was angry just by looking at the tension in his jaw, the stiffness in his shoulders, and the slightly exaggerated heavy foot falls. His whole demeanor radiated annoyance. Ruth's thought immediately turned to the first time she had told Harry that he paced, but in a good way. Daniel was not pacing in a "good way". He turned to look at Ruth, taking a few steps closer to her. "What is he doing here, Ruth?"

"I can't answer that and neither can Harry," Ruth said, her own anger and frustration at the situation starting to grow.

"Did you send him on his way?" he asked.

"Of course I didn't! I couldn't send him back out, Daniel. Isn't it obvious he's not well? He doesn't know what day it is. He just told me that I was dead!"

"Harry Pearce has never been entirely stable. I don't know why you didn't cut him out of your life when you left MI:5. Put that entire ugly chapter of your life behind you."

"How can you say that? Can't you put your jealously aside for two minutes?" Ruth was furious now. She looked at Daniel with such contempt and fire in her eyes it was a wonder he didn't spontaneously erupt into flames on the spot. Ruth turned on her heel and slammed the bedroom door, leaving Daniel staring after her in her wake. She walked to the baby's bedroom just to check on James to see he had been woken up by the short shouting match down the hall. James slumbered on, oblivious to his parent's outburst. She tried to stifle the tears that were threatening to fall. Quietly returning to the downstairs, she sat in the large comfortable chair, and watched Harry sleep.

_"She hasn't left his side since she arrived."_

_"Let her stay until we have to prep him for surgery."_

_"We should tell her…"_

_"Don't take away her hope yet."_

Harry opened his eyes, finding himself in a fetal position on the couch. He had no memory of how he ended up curled up with a small blanket covering the lower half of his body. Ruth smiled at him as he pulled himself to a sitting position. "Watching over me, Ruth?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Making sure you didn't run off," she answered.

"I've woken your family, caused some sort of strife, and now you're down here instead of in bed with your husband. I really think I should be off."

"I've never stopped thinking of you, Harry, of what could have been. What should have been. If I hadn't been so stubborn…" she trailed off.

"This is much better than what could have been, Ruth. This is what I would have wanted for you. I want you to be happy." Harry took Ruth's hand and looked at the wedding band on her finger.

"It should have been us."

_Ruth's own heart nearly stopped as the monotonous sound of his heart monitor changed from a steady beep-beep to the loud blare of a continuous long beep. A flurry of activity surrounded her as doctors and nurses flew into action trying to get his heart pumping again. She left the room, fearing that he had finally given up the fight. _

"I'm not supposed to be here," Harry said, as he walked out the door of Ruth's flat. "Walk with me for a bit, Ruth." Ruth looked down at her robe and slippers, but followed Harry out into the night. The air was cold, but neither Harry nor Ruth shivered in the frosty air. "I need to tell you what I should have told you before you left. It can no longer remain unsaid." The two walked until they were just outside Thames House. The walk seemed oddly short. There was police activity in the street just a few yards from the corner. The pain in Harry's head and arm were almost unbearable, but he had to get the words out. "I love you, Ruth. I won't let you go."

_She had laid her head down next to his hand on the bed, unable to keep her own eyes open any longer. The tears had all but run dry and she had nearly come to terms with the inevitable. The doctors may have managed to keep his heart beating, but they held out no hope for recovery. She didn't see the small movement of his finger or the flutter of his eyelashes._

Ruth looked shocked at Harry's words. "I couldn't compromise your position, Harry. As Section Head…" Harry cut Ruth's words off with a passionate kiss. The night was replaced by an almost unbearably intense light.

_He managed with some effort to open his eyes, only to be blinded by the harsh, brilliant white light. He couldn't focus; couldn't see clearly. Just blurred shapes and a feeling of pressure against his hand. A voice speaking gently to him. A voice he recognized from his dream._

_"Harry…I love you."_


End file.
